Daily Q: What does "joy" mean to me right now?
Hello blog!!! Today has gone well, last night was rough with Juno being confused from the sedatives, she was whining and pacing aorunf till 2 AM... Im proud of myself for getting myself to school even though I was exhausted. Recently my joy has been coming from doing hard things. In the past a lot of my comfort and happiness has come from comfortablility, but at some point that confort turned to disgust and unrest. Even though I feel like im fighting more of a mental war between wanting to relax and be a hedonist and try to get my shit together, but the "getting my shit together" is actually starting to feel like self love for than hatered. im proud of myself that the things I do to improve myself now are becoming more positive, unlike in the past where starving, getting external validation, or all together pretending to be someone im not felt like the only graspable ways to feel a sense of gradification. Even the small (maybe to others but not to me) things like spending less time in my bed and trying to better my hygeine are becoming something that makes me feel proud, therefore giving me joy. On another note of what brings me joy recenly its been being creative, trying to not compare myself to others while at the same time putting it out there (even just to my close friends) feels really great.
Daily Q: What part of me am I finally ready to stop hiding or shrinking?
Hello blog! I am going to start implementing daily questions to write about/ reflect on, I want this to be less babbling and also to get more mindful...anyway... Today was alright! Hopefully the Juno vet saga is over. She finally got her stitches and is recovering well. On the topic of the question I think my issues are mostly physical. Of course I could do a deep dive on the things I hide mentally but frankly...thats too scary for a random monday night. When talking and stuff I mostly have the opposite problem where i overshare lol. I have issues with physically hiding myself though, certain things like my forehead and stomach i dont think ive ever in my life worn clothes/ a hair style that would show them off. Im not planning to get rid of my bangs or start wearing crop tops or anything drastic like that, but even just by myself I need to force some self love concentrated on those parts of myself. (P.S when trying to find a stomach themes self love image its all actually the opposite... see picrel...).
me kissing myself hating myself is so dumb and trashy and time-wasting and pointless and meaningless and pathetic
Sorry about no blog post yesterday!!! these past 2 days have been so insane and stressful. Poor Juno still hasnt gotten her stitches since all the vets weve busy today. We scheduled a vet visit tomorrow in the morning time, I really hope they'll be able to get the stitches or whatever she needs asap, its not a horribe cut but im so nervsous about it getting infected. Today I went to Zumba for the first time in a very long time and I forgot how fun it is. I am so excited for swim to be over so I can have a job and exercide how I want to like before. I am going to go to morning practice tmrw (6-7 AM...) then get Junos situation figured out.
Hello blog, today has been full of so many mixed emotions. Started off good with my fav energy drink (orange alani) and as the day progressed just got worse and worse. I got taco bell for lunch which was also a major plus. I guess actually today was pretty good till I got home from swim practice, in the time my dad left and I got home somehow my dog Juno gave herself a pretty substancial cut on her left hind leg. Since I was home alone I want calling my parents asking what I should do while I wait for them to get home to take her to the vet and they said just to relax with her. She cuddled me on the couch while we watched youtube and I did my daily drawing, shes usually not so cuddly and chill so if I didnt have physical prood something was wrong that would be a dead giveaway. The silver lining in this all is that i had a swim meet tomorrow, bus leaving at 5:30 am and predicted to be done at 2:30. Tomorrow were taking her to the vet, im guessig she will need stitches. I hope the pain dosent keep her up all night :(
this week has been mid, but today was good! Didnt skip any classes or swim today so good job, me. Swim today was very nice, at first I was bummed out I wasnt in my normal lane with my friends (hi! if ur reading this) but since I didnt want to take to the new people in my lane I just swam. I swam over 1000 meters! Driving to school I had a bad feeling becuase the weather was so gloomy today
i do that all too often, cursing my own day before it has even started.
I am glad to have a website, clearly I am not happy with it just yet, I cant believe how bare bones it is especially since ive been working on it since 3pm... Any kind of progress is good though. Today has been alright, overall just moody lately, somehow I lost my swim suit, so bye bye last $40 in my account...
